Suffering from depression
When I sat down with Nick and decided to tell the story of my 13 year long struggle with depression, I remembered a moment of clarity, probably right in the middle of that time, when I said “If I ever get out of this, I’m going to make sure I tell the story so others will have hope.” I’ve done this in many ways in the years since I began my recovery – my walk out of the Valley of the Shadow of Death – but none as personal and vulnerable as these. It’s all here; the whole story of how I fell into darkness and how God saved me from it. If you or a loved one suffers from mental illness, I highly recommend you listen, not because I reveal the secret of how to recover – there is no secret – but because you’ll find something better; you’ll find hope. That’s what was so hard to find as I walked through darkness. I could not find one story of a person who suffered from treatment resistant depression like me and recovered. Not one. The best I could find was someone who told of a temporary lift or fix they were excited over and had found relief, but I never found their testimonies to go on and to tell of life after depression, without depression, HEALED from depression. This left me wondering if there was such a thing as recovery and healing. I couldn’t imagine a person escaping that Valley and not shouting it from the rooftop, so I assumed there was no such story to be found. Depression is hopelessness on steroids. It is darkness without the remembrance of such a thing as light and any little spark is soon swallowed up by dense and convincing doubt. There are principles in these talks that work, but there is no prescription. I know that it hurts to try to hope. You hear that? It hurts to even try to hope because hope deferred makes the hopeless heart sicker than it was and that is dangerous for those of you who know the darkness like I do. Just listen. You will hear someone who does know how dark the darkness is. You can’t fake this. This is no infomercial to sell you something or get you to join something. This is hope. And it is free. It was freely given to me, and I offer it to you freely. Take and listen. I am free and in the light. I have been for years now and I’m not afraid to go back to the edge of the Valley and invite you to come out the way I did. Come. Hope.
